The 60-Second Sales Hook goes to grad school

Here’s a short story about how the 60SSH got my daughter the grad school reference of her dreams:

My 19-year-old daughter, Megan, is a Senior at the University of Connecticut. She’s applying to grad school to study Accounting next Fall.

She’s been killing it… 4.0 GPA undergrad, CFO for her dance team, summer internships… you name it, the kid’s got it going on.

And she’s super independent, so it’s a huge honor when she asks for my help…

Today, I got this email:

Subject: Mom, Here’s my request for recommendation letters. What do you think?

“Good morning,

I am writing you to see if you would consider providing me with a reference as I apply to graduate programs. As you may know, I am planning to earn the 150 credits to sit for the CPA through an MSA program. I am very excited about the opportunity to apply to some different schools, as well as UConn’s own program.

As my guide through financial accounting as well as my experience as a TA, you could provide information to these potential schools about my work ethic and focus in the area of accounting. I believe that would strongly support my application.

If you need any additional information, please let me know.
Thank you,
Megan”

I rewrote her email using the 60SSH. An hour later, I get this text:

Hey! Can I get a “student discount” on the email you just wrote me? It’s awesome!!

So what did my version of the email say?

Here it is:

Dear Professor,

When I took my first accounting class, I was terrified. Would I like the class? Would I even understand the material?

And then I fell in love with it. From that moment, I was unstoppable…

I became a TA.

Then, I did an accounting internship with EY.

And ultimately, I decided to pursue a graduate program in accounting, so that I can build a career in the accounting field.

Here’s why I’m writing:

Would you be willing to give me a letter of reference?

I am on track to earn 150 credits so I can sit for the CPA exam through an MSA program.
It’s a wild ride, but I am excited about the opportunity to apply to UConn’s accounting program, as well as several other excellent schools.

Your insights into my work ethic and passion for accounting would strongly support my application.

With your recommendation and my GMAT score of 750, I believe I can do UConn’s undergraduate accounting program proud, as I continue my graduate studies.

Thank you for considering my request.

Sincerely,
Megan

What makes this email great?

There’s a couple things that jump out at me right away:

  1. Megan used the phrase “very excited”, however, I took multiple opportunities to sneak in ideas that reinforce the feeling and “prove” her excitement. Phrases like I was unstoppable” did the trick nicely.
  2. Megan accidentally insulted the professor by saying, I am very excited about the opportunity to apply to some different schools, as well as UConn’s own program.” So I turned the same idea into a compliment by saying, I am excited about the opportunity to apply to UConn’s accounting program, as well as several other excellent schools.”

Why am I sharing this email as an example of good writing?

When I became a freelance copywriter, two of my dreams were to:

  1. model excellence for my children… and
  2. use my writing skills to help my children achieve their own dreams.

And that’s exactly what’s happening!

Here’s my take-away: If you can use the 60SSH to get a sparkling letter of recommendation from the driest, dustiest corners of a college School of Accounting, you are well on your way to conquering the world. 🙂

Be First to Comment

Leave a Reply